Time is a crazy thing.

We are officially five weeks into the leadership training program, which is absolutely insane, because it means that not only have I been interning for it for seven weeks tomorrow, but it means that two weeks from today will be the first full day post-LT. I can't believe how fast time has flown since I got back from Thailand. Originally, I had the best intentions with this blog. I was going to be continue to update it consistently once I was back in the states, but as usual, life has gotten the best of me and I keep neglecting to incorporate blog writing into my routine. But nevertheless, over a month and a half after my last blog post, here I am again.

Life has been absolutely crazy for me post-Thailand. In my first five days back, I hung out with my grandparents, went to my cousin's graduation open house, went to Grand Rapids to visit friends, went to Lake Michigan, drove back to Ann Arbor, moved in, and started my internship. It certainly was a whirlwind of activity. And I feel like the summer has flown by. But at the same time, it feels like Thailand was ages ago. It's strange how time can feel fast and slow at the same time.

In the past (nearly) three months of my life since summer has started, God has moved A LOT. It's crazy to see how much he's done in my life and in my community. Working 40 hours a week and also participating in the leadership training program, which has events four nights a week, has kept me busy. Going into the internship, I didn't really know what to expect. I'd been hoping to get a feel for full-time ministry and see if perhaps that was something God was calling me to in the future. Although I'm still not sure where I'll be headed after I finish college in two years, I do think God has given me some direction.

For LT, participants spend a lot of time with their teams. A team is basically a group of people who live in the same area of campus. For me, I'm part of the East new life team, since I live in the dorm East Quad during the year. There are 12 women from my team participating, and we're all living together in a house! A normal LT week consists of a team fellowship day, two sessions (basically, a talk and worship), and Party at the Rock on Wednesday, a substance-free party that's put on outside New Life with free food and live music. It's awesome to provide a safe and fun place that people in the community can come to relax!

I've loved working for New Life! Since the bulk of my job description is helping to lead the East new life team and leading a small group of women (which is SO awesome!), a lot of my time is spent planning team fellowship or building into relationships. I LOVE spending time with and investing in people, so I feel incredibly blessed to have a job in which I can use my gifts and passions. I've also absolutely loved playing in the LT worship band. I've always loved singing, so again, it's awesome to have a job that uses my gifts and passions!

Overall, God has blessed the East community. The women in my life are incredibly godly women, and I love them dearly! I love being part of a place where we feel safe feeling our emotions and experiences with each other. Let me show you some of my AWESOME friends:

These three women have been there in my best and worst times. I love how living in community can show us what God's love is really like. I have been able to be completely real with these women, and they love me anyway. It's shown me a picture of what God's love is like- He KNOWS us, even better than we know ourselves, he sees every detail, and he loves us anyway! It makes me think of what was said in the sermon yesterday. In Psalm 78, when Asaph recalls the history of the nation of Israel, he talks about all of the ways they didn't follow God, how they rebelled against him, and how they forgot him. But when God tells the history of the nation of Israel in Joshua 24, he doesn't even mention their sin or rebellion. By following Jesus, the same thing happens for us. When we look back on our past, we remember the ways we failed and how we sinned. I know for me, I sometimes have fear that after I die, God will recount all the ways that I failed. I'm afraid that would take years and years and years. But that's not how God sees us. When he looks at me now, he sees not my sin, but Jesus' righteousness, and he doesn't even remember my sin. It's like Psalm 103:12 says- "He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west." It's pretty crazy, and considering the huge debt of my sin, I am so grateful for what Jesus did!!

I'm looking forward to finishing the last few weeks of LT strong. An area that God has really been challenging me is in patience. I feel like I've been waiting on his plan and his guidance a lot, and sometimes, it makes me feel pretty frustrated. But I want to follow him, so I desire to learn to wait patiently for his timing. I know that I can keep following God and trusting Him even after LT's over, so even if he keeps me waiting after LT's over, I will keep waiting on him. Something else that I've been thinking about a lot is what I want the focus of my life to be. After working a lot with people and LOVING it, I feel like God has stirred in my heart even more a desire to go into social work or mental health counseling. I'm not really sure what that would look like, but I could certainly use some prayer about it! That being said, here are some prayer requests:

1. Pray for strengthening of our community so that we can enter the next school year as a family on mission.

2. Pray that I would finish LT strong and not lose motivation since the end is approaching.

3. Pray that God would continue to show me how my gifts and talents can be used to further his kingdom!

One final thing- while my experience in Thailand prompted me to think about a lot of deep things and examine what it means to serve God, some more surface-level things have been brought back. One of these things is playing the game Shadows Over Camelot with people on my team. It's super nerdy, but I love it, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. As a closing note, here's a picture of a few of us after we successfully defended Camelot! Oh the joys of living in community!

One thing you HAVE to do if you ever go to Thailand

Yesterday, I finally got to do one thing that apparently you HAVE to do if you go to Thailand- ride an elephant. It was CRAZY. They strap these bench things onto the backs of the elephants, you climb on, and then someone who works with the elephants gets on in front of you to direct the elephant. It was so much fun. I can't even describe it! And we got super lucky. I guess normally, they have someone who works there follow you with a camera and then try to sell you pictures at the end for 100 baht (just over 3 dollars). Also sometimes they have stands along the way that sell you sugarcane to feed the elephants. You don't technically HAVE to, but Cory said that he once rode an elephant that would suck up some mud and blow it on you with its trunk if you didn't buy it sugarcane. Someone, like I said, we got lucky. At first, the guy directing our elephant just got down and took some pictures on my camera, which was pretty sweet. Also, there were no stands selling sugarcane.

But then we got REALLY lucky. A few minutes later, the guy asked if we wanted to ride on the elephant's neck. I was SUPER pumped. Cory went first, and then after he got back on the bench, I rode the elephant's neck the rest of the way back. Oh. My. Goodness. It was really fun. The guy directing our elephant must secretly want to be a photographer, because he took nearly 100 photos, which is a little ridiculous, but since he was busy taking pictures of us, I got to ride on the actual elephant instead of riding on a bench on the elephant. I almost fell off once when I was waving. I think I was pretending I was royalty or something, riding an elephant. Thankfully, I kept my balance, even though it was a little hard, because as Cory said, "the seat kept moving."

We also did get to feed the elephants afterward (for 30 baht, but they wouldn't have spat mud at us if we hadn't). One of the elephants would shake its head if you asked it in Thai if it was hungry. It was an awesome experience.

After that, we also went to Palio, a touristy Italian city-like place. Who knew that there was a taste of Italy in Thailand? It was pretty cool. It wasn't the same as actually being in Italy, and I don't think anybody there spoke Italian, but it was still cool to visit. We then went to Chok Chai Farms after that. We didn't really get to do much there because after we got in the car to leave Palio, a torrential downpour started. After all, it is the beginning of the rainy season. I did end up having possibly the least Thai food I've eaten since I've been here- a hamburger. Although the cows are raised and slaughtered right there at the farm, and it was arguably THE BEST hamburger I've had in my life. As per tradition, I took a picture of it. If you ever find your self in Korat and are craving a burger, it's definitely worth the hour or so drive.

On Friday, I had the chance to go back to the slum. Oh man. I was again REALLY shocked by just how close the slum is to the rest of the city. I was a little bit lost in my thoughts, and I was surprised when all of a sudden we were crossing the train tracks and again, in the slum. It's a little bit unsettling to be driving through the slum just a few seconds after driving down a street that has temples, businesses, schools, and homes. I was overwhelmed all over again by waves of wanting to scream "THIS ISN'T FAIR!" I seriously wanted to adopt each of these kids. I think it's easy to make assumptions about people who are living in poverty, that they deserve it, or that it's their fault that they're there. But looking at these kids, I became convinced all over again that it's not their fault, and it's not fair that they're growing up in this kind of environment. It's like I recently read in The Irresistible Revolution, "I'm convinced that God did not mess up and make too many people and not enough stuff. Poverty was created not by God but by you and me, because we have not learned to love our neighbors as ourselves." I hope and pray that they will not become products of their environment. They need help to get out of this. But there is almost nobody to help them. It breaks my heart.

Before I came on this trip, I asked God to challenge me. Like he so often does, he answered my prayer, and again, like he so often does, he did not answer it in the way I expected or thought I wanted. I think I expected God to put me in uncomfortable situations while I was here and ask me to do things that were hard. In some ways, he did, but it wasn't all that difficult to study Thai, or to speak English with Not and Jaew, to play with and tickle kids at the slum, to go into the bars in Pattaya and talk to women, or to sit and make picture frames or jewelry with women at the women's shelter.

It was through all of those situations though that God began to challenge me, it just took me awhile to see it, and I'm definitely still processing. After going to the slum, I find myself again asking, how can I be part of the solution instead of part of the problem? Even though I may not be dedicating my life to helping people in the slum in Thailand, what cause can I devote my life to? What does it mean to not only believe in Jesus, but to follow Jesus? I feel like at this point, I have more questions than answers. I think I'll have to write a whole blog post devoted to just these questions and what I've been thinking about it.


It's my last night here, so I have a few final prayer requests-

1. Pray for safe travel to Bangkok and safety while we're there- Kim and I are leaving tomorrow and spending Monday night and all day Tuesday there until my plane leaves on Tuesday night.

2. Pray for safe and smooth travel back home on Tuesday/Wednesday- especially since I only have an hour and a half in D.C. to get through customs and back through security to get on my last plane!

3. Pray that God would continue to work in my heart and challenge me to not just believe in what the Bible says, but actually DO it.

Thanks for keeping updated on my trip! I'm planning on continuing to update this throughout the summer to talk about my internship with LT, so keep reading! Lots of love to you all!

The need for direction.

I really can't get over how fast this time is going. Today will be my last full day at The Centre, because tomorrow afternoon, we're going back to the slums, and on Monday, Kim and I are heading to Bangkok. It's so crazy how time flies.

Yesterday, we had the chance to go back to the women's home. It was so great to be there. When Kim and I drove through the gate, some of the girls started clapping. At first, it was a little bit awkward since Kim and I were the first ones there, and I don't speak Thai, and Kim is still learning Thai. We did our best to communicate though. While we were waiting for the other four people to show up, we had a relay race where the girls balanced plastic eggs on spoons and then had to run to the wall and back before passing on the spoon to someone else. The room we were in was pretty small, so the game was pretty easy, but I think the girls enjoyed it at least. We also sang some songs for the girls, and then we started the craft. Fortunately, this time, we chose a much simpler craft to prepare- jewelry.

It was funny though, because after we bought the materials, we experienced a brown-out (basically, a partial power outage). We decided to go to Big C (Thai version of Wal-Mart) to wait it out and eat dinner, but when we got home, it was a complete black-out. So as Cory was cutting strings, and Kim and I were spooning beads into plastic bags, we had a flashlight on the table and book lights clipped to our shirts or bowls. Thankfully, the power came back on, which was a blessing for not just the lights but for the air conditioning as well.

But as the girls were sitting at these little tables making the jewelry, we sat with them. It was a little bit frustrating for me, since I don't speak Thai, and hence couldn't REALLY communicate with the women. I really wanted to get to know them, learn their stories, and ask where they were coming from, but I couldn't due to a language barrier. I have been learning a little bit of Thai though, so when they'd ask me for a bead of a specific color, I could understand them. It turns out that learning colors in Thai really did come in handy! I did find that another way I could communicate with the girls was through physical touch. So many of them would reach out to me, and just holding their hand, putting my arm around them, or giving them a hug was something small I could do to show them love. They also LOVE LOVE LOVE being in pictures. Once we broke out our cameras, they would literally flock to whoever had a camera in order to have their pictures taken. I guess they think that making faces is a weird thing to do in photos, because a few times when they wanted to take a picture of me, I would make a face, and they would always giggle. They never actually took a picture of me making a face, but it was a good way to make them laugh.

Although it was really fun to go and hang out with these women, it was a little bit heart-breaking. I really didn't know what to think about it, partly because I know next to nothing about the home itself. I think there are a lot of different reasons the women are there. There's a girl who's ten years old who's there because she used to live in an orphanage, but she kept stealing things and lying, and there are also a few women who are there who have special needs. I'm not really sure if it's a correctional facility, or if it's just a place where they take in women whose families send them there, or if it's something else entirely. I was told that most days, they don't have anything to do. I found myself with a lot of questions after we left. If they're not allowed to leave, is there some graduation they work towards after which they can leave? Or are they stuck there indefinitely? What kind of treatment do they get there? How do they normally pass their time? It's always frustrating to me to leave with more questions than answers, and that's definitely how I felt yesterday.

The one thing that was clear to me was that these women are in desperate need of love. It doesn't seem like there are a lot of people working there, and hence, there are very few people to offer help to these women. They have each other, but really, they're all in the same boat. These women have essentially been cast off, forgotten by the world, and it seems like they feel that way too. It makes sense that when people come to visit, they desire their love and attention. And these women certainly are no lovable or worthy of love than other people. I wish I had more to offer. It also makes me think that there have to be tons of places like this in the world- places where people have been cast off, forgotten. I won't be in Thailand much longer, and I probably won't ever get a chance to return to this specific women's home, but I definitely have a passion for working with women. I want to not just share with them the hope that God has to offer, but to take care for their physical needs as well. In this, I know that I'll need some direction from God. I pray that God will open my eyes to the forgotten people around me wherever I am. After all, God certainly hasn't forgotten them.

Heart-wrenching. Breathtaking.

It's hard to believe that a week from today, I'll be on an airplane headed back to the states. These past 3 weeks have absolutely flown by, and I anticipate that the next week will go by quickly as well. Going to Pattaya definitely created a whirlwind of activity, and things have been a little bit calmer since my return to Korat.

On Friday, I got the chance to join another missionary, Ben, and his daughter, Margaret, in their ministry in the villages. The basis of their ministry is sharing the gospel through building relationships with families and individuals. Although I don't speak Thai, when we stopped to talk to people, Margaret translated for me a little. We talked to one woman who owns a tool shop, and another family who lives in the villages. This family consists of 8 brothers and sisters and their families all living in a group of houses. It was so good to sit down and listen to these people, to hear about their lives, and to see the relationships that they've built with Ben and Margaret. Before we went to visit the family, though, Margaret warned me that they've been served strange food in the past (including ant and banana salad!) I was pretty sure I could handle eating some ants though, so I wasn't too worried. As Ben said, "Where he leads me I will follow; what he feeds me I will swallow." So I was ready to eat some bugs.

Now let me give you some insight into the Thai people- they LOVE sweetened condensed milk. They even serve it poured over corn as a dessert. So when a family member returned on a motorbike with bags of this white liquid with what looked like jellies in it, I wasn't TOO worried. Sure, I don't like drinking really sweet stuff, but sweetened condensed milk with some kind of gummy thing didn't sound too bad. When they handed it to me, though, it was warm, and in it there was a poached duck egg, yolk runny. So basically, it was warm sweetened condensed milk and coconut milk, served with gummies made out of things like pumpkin and flowers, and a poached duck egg. I did my best to eat it with a smile, but I only got through about half of it. I really tried! It was worth it though to get to spend some time with these beautiful women. They were so delightful to be around, so welcoming, and so thoughtful. It was such a blessing to spend time with Margaret and Ben as well. They are SO EXCITED about Jesus and what he's doing, and it was awesome to see that kind of passion and fire. I think it's easy to be discouraged, feeling like there are so few people who actually practice what they preach, who actually genuinely want to follow God, and it's always encouraging to be around people who are so in love with Jesus and faithfully following him.

On Saturday, I got to visit Pimai, an ancient Buddhist temple. It was really beautiful, and it was kinda fun to do something touristy. While we were there, we noticed that there was a bird sitting on the head of one of the Buddha statues, so we went to take pictures of it. Several pictures were successful, but when I tried to take a picture this is what I got:

Yes, the bird was flying at us as I was taking this picture. It wasn't intentional, but it was pretty great timing. The grounds were really beautiful too. There are these trees in Thailand with orange flowers. I LOVE them. Orange has basically always been my favorite color, so I am absolutely captivated by these trees, and having them as the backdrop for this amazing temple was breathtaking.

I think since I've been here, God has been teaching me a lot about RESTING. I think that often, I associate inactivity with laziness and passivity, and often, that is a valid connection. But we also weren't created to be CONSTANTLY going, and our value does not come from constant production or movement. Instead, we are inherently valuable because God created us, and being in relationship with him gives us the freedom to rest in his grace and the freedom to be human and have limitations. There has been a decent amount of down time since I've been here, but I honestly don't feel like there has been a single wasted minute. It has given me a good amount of time to spend with the family or to process what I've been doing and what God's doing. Some of the experiences have been pretty overwhelming, like going to the slums, going to the women's home, and going to Pattaya. In those three events alone, I feel like God has really tugged on my heartstrings and filled me with compassion for all of his people. I guess this goes along with being careful what you wish for- before I left for Thailand, I asked God to challenge me and to break my heart for what breaks his. Not surprisingly, he came through, and he is doing just that. I was recently asked to describe my experience so far in two words, and these are the words I chose: heart-wrenching and breathtaking. Heart-wrenching because of all of the poverty and hopelessness I've seen, and breathtaking because of how God's beauty has totally shone through it all.

It can be overwhelming thinking of all that needs to be done in the world. There is so much poverty, and so much injustice. I've been reading a book called The Irresistible Revolution, and here's something I read recently:

"I remember hearing about an old comic strip... Two guys are talking to each other, and one of them says he has a question for God. He wants to ask why God allows all of this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world. And his friend says, 'Well, why don't you ask?' The fellow shakes his head and says he is scared. When his friend asks why, he mutters, 'I'm scared God will ask me the same question.'"

When I was with Ben and Margaret on Friday, Ben asked me if I was planning on being a missionary, and I replied that I wasn't sure. He encouraged me to think and pray about it more, because the Bible clearly says "GO!", that I don't need to wait for some earth-shattering revelation from God in order to start doing his work. He's right, really. I think it's easy to think that if we don't have some divine revelation or vision or whatever, that we can ignore the command to go. I may end up being a missionary, but honestly, I still have no idea. What I do know is that "go"-ing doesn't necessarily mean moving halfway around the globe. There's poverty and suffering where I am too, and I don't need to wait for God to call me to help people, because he already has called me. I'm still not sure what exactly to do with all these thoughts logistically, but I do know this- I am determined to follow Jesus and to love the people around me wherever I am.

Getting to the root of things

I cannot even express to you how crazy this past week hast been. I meant to write this post on Thursday night, but due to extenuating circumstances, I didn't have time! So here I am, pretending it's Thursday night, even though it's really Saturday night, about to rehash an awesome and heart-wrenching few days.

Cory and I had been trying to work out a trip to Masat for awhile with the purpose of going to work with refugees, but it kept not working out. On Sunday night, however, Kim found a ministry in Pattaya called Tamar Center that works with women who are bar girls. Cory called them on Monday, they responded immediately, we asked them if it was too soon to come tomorrow, they said of course we can come, and we prepared to go.

To give you a little bit of background on Pattaya, it is one of the top destinations IN THE WORLD for sex tourism. It used to be a small fishing village, but during the Vietnam War, American soldiers started going there for some rest and relaxation, and from that time forward, Pattaya has more and more become a sex tourism destination. Now, although the registered population is 100,000 people, over 4 MILLION people visit it every year. Most of the women who work the bars in Pattaya are not from that city, but mostly, they are from other villages and cities. A lot of them have children, and their parents pressure them to go to Pattaya to make money and to find a foreign husband. Oftentimes, the girls don't know exactly what goes on in Pattaya, and they think that they'll be able to go, work some, and find a husband, unaware of the fact that they'll have to sell their bodies first in order to do so. Honestly, it's heart-breaking.

On Tuesday morning, Cory and I got on a bus at 10:30, and we rolled into Pattaya around 4:00. In the first hour we were there, I saw more white men than I'd seen in the previous weeks of my trip combined. It was crazy, and so different to be in a tourist destination in comparison to Korat where there are barely any tourists. The songthaew (basically, a taxi made out of a pick-up truck with benches in the back, covered with some type of roof-type thing) we were in that took us to Tamar Center had an advertisement in the back for judgment day May 21, 2011- apparently "the Bible guarantees it," although there are currently only 32 minutes left in May 21 here and I have yet to see any signs of impending judgment.

When we got there at 4:45, we walked into the first floor, where they have their bakery. We met one of the women who helped to found Tamar Center, named Eve. She told us a little bit about the ministry, and even though Tamar Center closed shortly after we got there (at 5:00), she invited us to come to a prayer meeting the next morning at 9 and to come out to the bars the next evening to talk to some of the girls and invite them to the free English classes that Tamar Center offers. We gladly accepted, and parted ways until the next day.

I woke up the next morning at 6:30 to literally THE LOUDEST thunder I have ever heard in my life. It almost made me jump out of my skin. I tried unsuccessfully to go back to sleep, and when I met Cory to try to get back to Tamar Center, we saw that the streets were SUPER flooded. Oh my goodness. It was probably mid-calf, at least. No songthaew routes go past the hotel we stayed at, so we were going to have to walk several blocks to get to the main road by the beach, but one of the women working at the hotel kindly offered to drive us. It was insane, but we got there in time to eat some breakfast at the bakery before the meeting. This picture can't fully show how flooded it was, but it gives you a good idea:

Let me take a pause to tell you more about Tamar Center. Basically, what they do is offer free job training, along with bible study, free housing, and a job, to women who want to find an alternative to working the bars. They train women in card making, jewelry making, hair dressing, computers, coffee making, and baking. They also offer free English classes (you just have to pay 50 baht for the first class, basically, less than two dollars) and free pregnancy tests and pregnancy counseling. To share their ministry with women, they go into bars to invite them to English classes and get to know them, offer promotions at their hair salon, and have banquets for women several times a year. It is an AWESOME ministry.

It was so great to join Tamar Center and other Pattaya ministries for the prayer meeting, and it was encouraging to hear what God is doing in the city! After the meeting, Cory and I just hung out and walked around until 3:30, when we went back to the first building of Tamar Center so someone could take us to the other building to meet up to go into the bars together. The second building is located on Soi 6, described by the staff at Tamar Center as "one of the darkest, saddest, most hopeless bar sections in the city." Most of the bars around are pretty open air, and it's in the open bars that they do ministry so that the pairs of people who go in can look out for the other pairs. The bars on Soi 6, however, are all closed. It's necessary to go through a door to enter, and the windows are all tinted. It was super sketchy. Girls wait outside calling customers to come into the bars. It was probably one of the darkest places I've been in my life. It was my first time in a red light district, and I was overwhelmed. I feel like I'm still processing it. I felt so much compassion for the women I saw. One of the saddest things to me is that these women really just want to be loved, but instead of love, they get used. I wanted to hug every single one of them.

We ended up going into two bars, and I didn't talk much since Cory and the woman who went with us both are pretty good at Thai, and the bar girls are much more comfortable talking in Thai than in English. But it was SO GOOD to just sit down and have a conversation with these women, even though it was hard. I think that so often, these women are treated like objects, not like the precious, beautiful creations that they are.

God used this experience to break my heart, and I know his heart breaks for the city as well. In this city, it is not only acceptable, but it's expected that people go there for sex. To be honest, it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. Sex is supposed to be an expression of love and intimacy within the context of marriage, but instead, it has become a self-gratifying and selfish demand. Now, to be honest, I'm not entirely sure how big of a problem sex trafficking is in Pattaya. I asked, but since Tamar Center doesn't do legal work, they didn't really know either. I know not all women are literally forced into it, but that doesn't take away from the soul-damaging power. My heart's desire is that one day, the women of Pattaya won't be used for sex, but will know that they are treasured, honored, and deeply loved.

Every single person in Pattaya is valuable, and providing the women with a way out is noble and necessary work. Again, my heart breaks for the women who get trapped in the sex industry, and I love that people are finding healing and redemption through God's awesome love! But dealing with the problems in the city is only addressing part of the issue. I must say that now, my heart breaks for the men who go to Pattaya. Within the sex industry, there exists supply and demand, just like any other industry, and if there is no demand, there will be no need for a supply. It's easy to see this as a distant problem, but this is not a problem that is isolated to Pattaya, and I mean that not just in the sense that the sex industry exists in many, many other cities. This is a problem with roots not in Thailand only, but in the Western world. For the most part, the Western world is where the demand is. For this to change, the hearts of the men must change. It's not just the women who are working in the bars who need Jesus, but then men who come to Pattaya need Jesus too.

And with this, here come the prayer requests:

1. Pray for Tamar Center- pray for protection for its workers and that women would come, that God would use Tamar Center to transform lives!

2. Pray for the sex tourists- pray that God would change their hearts.

3. Pray for the city of Pattaya- pray that God would take over the city, and that it would no longer be known as a destination for sex tourism but as a city overwhelmed with God's love.

4. Pray for my last ten days here- pray that God would move!

THANK YOU all for your prayers and support- you are all wonderful, dear people.

That's not fair.

What things in life do we think aren't fair? When we were younger, maybe we thought it wasn't fair that our older siblings got to go places we couldn't, that our siblings got a bigger piece of cake than we did, or that we wanted to play another round in a . That wasn't fair. What kinds of things do we think aren't fair now? Maybe we think it isn't fair that we worked just as hard as our classmates on our paper, yet our classmates got a better grade than we did. A few minutes ago, I googled "things that aren't fair." Some of the things that came up were death, taxes, the fact that most CEOs are tall, the fact that our mothers have better skin than we do, and the fact that packaging makes food taste better.

Today, I went to the slum of Korat, and I found myself saying, THIS ISN'T FAIR. It was so crazy where it was located. We were just driving down a normal street in the city, surrounded by buildings with, I'm sure, both electricity and running water, we turned down a side street, and 30 seconds later, crossed the train tracks into the slum. It consisted of tin shacks, tons of trash on the ground, and people. As we drove, I didn't see a single smile. We went to help a woman with her ministry to children there, and about ten children, probably between the ages of 2 and 6, were there. Some of them didn't even have underwear. But they were adorable. And so much fun to play with. We played games, sang songs, and ran around with the kids, picking them up and swinging them around, for a couple hours.

Oh man, they were so desperate to be loved. They so desperately want someone to care for them, love them, and show them that they are valuable and worth their time. They didn't ask to be born into this situation, and they are almost powerless to get out of it. THIS ISN'T FAIR. And after we were to leave, I was told, the kids were going to go through the trash to try to find things of value. I guess that's what a lot of people do in the slums to find money. When I was their age, I was going to preschool, living in a nice house in suburban Indiana with my sister, my mom, and my dad, who had a secure job. While I also had no control over the situation I was born into, it breaks my heart that there are tons of kids in the world born into poverty.

The woman who works with the children tries to get the girls out around age 12, because if they stay, they are at a high risk for being abused or trafficked into prostitution. THAT ISN'T FAIR. As I was playing with the kids, picking them up, tickling them, and running around, they seemed so carefree. There's nothing wrong with these kids, and they would be just as able to get an education, grow up, and get a job if there were someone to help. But there are few people who want to help them. I guess it's not really heard of for the Thai people to interact with the people who live in the slum. It breaks my heart. Seeing the huge need, I found myself thinking of Psalm 10:

Psalm 10

Why, LORD, do you stand far off?
   Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?
In his arrogance the wicked man hunts down the weak,
   who are caught in the schemes he devises.
He boasts about the cravings of his heart;
   he blesses the greedy and reviles the LORD.
In his pride the wicked man does not seek him;
   in all his thoughts there is no room for God. 
His ways are always prosperous;
   your laws are rejected by him;
   he sneers at all his enemies.
He says to himself, “Nothing will ever shake me.”
   He swears, “No one will ever do me harm.”
His mouth is full of lies and threats;
   trouble and evil are under his tongue.
He lies in wait near the villages;
   from ambush he murders the innocent.
His eyes watch in secret for his victims;
 like a lion in cover he lies in wait.
He lies in wait to catch the helpless;
   he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net. 
His victims are crushed, they collapse;
   they fall under his strength.
He says to himself, “God will never notice;
   he covers his face and never sees.”
Arise, LORD! Lift up your hand, O God.
   Do not forget the helpless.
Why does the wicked man revile God?
   Why does he say to himself,
   “He won’t call me to account”?
But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted;
   you consider their grief and take it in hand.
The victims commit themselves to you;
   you are the helper of the fatherless.
Break the arm of the wicked man;
   call the evildoer to account for his wickedness
   that would not otherwise be found out.
The LORD is King for ever and ever;
   the nations will perish from his land.
You, LORD, hear the desire of the afflicted;
   you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,
defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
   so that mere earthly mortals
   will never again strike terror.

I'm so thankful for the woman who is doing ministry there. She is incredibly faithful, and her love for God and desire to truly HELP these children is apparent. She's not doing this so that she can feel good about what she's doing. She makes huge sacrifices for these children. She even takes in some of the girls and helps pay for their education when she can get them out. But man, I hope that God raises up more people who care about the poor of Thailand. I know that he cares deeply about all of these children, and I know he WANTS people to intercede for them. As Gary Haugen said, "God has a plan to help bring justice to the world- and that plan is us." When I see this poverty, I think it's a grave injustice, and I wonder, where are the people who want to help? I find myself both wishing I could do more and wishing that the people here would do more. I think I feel a little bit heavy, wondering who will plead the case of the widow and defend the cause of the orphans?

It sounds simple enough- help the poor. But as humans, we're limited. There's only so much we can do, and if we help one cause, there are hundreds if not thousands or other worthy causes that we aren't helping with. How do we decide what cause to help? I think God has placed specific passions in our hearts and gifted us with talents. For me, the thing that FILLS me with righteous anger is human trafficking, specifically sex trafficking. I can't imagine the horror that women who are trafficked into brothels experience on a daily basis. As of right now, I have NO idea how God wants to use that passion in my life, and I suppose only time will tell. In the mean time, I wonder what poverty there is surrounding me in my daily life that I'm ignoring? There may not be slums in Ann Arbor, but there is certainly poverty- both physical and spiritual. I wonder what injustice I'm allowing. It's something I definitely want to think about more. I feel like I'm still processing a lot about what my response to this can be, and with time, hopefully God will show me more of what his heart is and what my role is in furthering justice in the world.

In the meantime, I have some prayer requests for you:

1. Pray for the physical needs of the slums in Thailand. Pray that people are raised up to fight for the people living there, and pray that the eyes of people in Thailand are opened to the reality of the situation.

2. Pray for the spiritual needs of the slums. It is certain that God must move for the situation to change and for the cycle to end.

3. Pray that God would open my eyes to the poverty in Ann Arbor, whether it be spiritual or physical.

That's all I have for now! I look forward to updating you again!

Foodventure: Thailand Edition

I can't really explain my obsession with taking pictures of food. Every time I try something new, I get the urge to take a picture. I think it's in my blood actually, because my sister does the same thing. Whenever we go out to eat at a place with interesting food, one or both of us will inevitably whip out a camera to document it. In the last few days, there have been many food pictures taken. Although nothing has been as "interesting" as a chicken foot, there have been some good finds. To start with, let me tell you- food served in a plastic bag can sometimes be surprisingly delicious. After working at The Centre one day, we went to the university market to grab some dinner. I decided to get sticky rice and some fried chicken and pork on a stick. Oh my goodness. It was sooooo delicious. I can't even describe it. Even though it looked like this before I ate it:

 Also, apparently Thai people eat omelettes a lot. While I got some rice with chicken and vegetables for dinner the other day, Cory got a pork omelette, served over rice. I can't really explain how or why an omelette and rice go well together, but some day soon, I'll have to try it. Maybe that would help to ease my perplexity.

When I got pad thai with chicken, it came served also with tofu. Usually, I think food should come with either tofu or chicken, but maybe the idea is the more protein, the better?

Finally, today, I got food that literally made me cry, and not out of joy because of how tasty it was (although it was pretty good). I've always known that I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to spicy food, but when something is unexpectedly really spicy, it's a little bit embarrassing when your nose starts running and you start to cry. Even though my mouth wasn't burning too much, my body decided to react insanely, and eating my basil chicken made me cry. It came with a fried egg. I'm not sure why, but conveniently, egg yolk (and cucumber) help to ease the burning.

For the last few days, I've been mostly taking Thai lessons, giving English lessons, and hanging out around the house. I LOVE languages, so even though three weeks of Thai lessons will barely even help me to be conversational, it's always fun to me to use that part of my brain and to learn more about how another language works. Honestly, within a few weeks, I'll probably forget nearly all of the Thai I learn, but it's so fun to me! I also love talking to my teacher, Jaew. It's fun to help her with her English when I'm giving an English lesson, but it's even more fun to help her with English during my Thai lesson. I always love to turn the tables on her. As far as teaching English, even if coming here were a total flop from this point forward (which, by the way, "flop" is SO far from what I would use to describe this experience), yesterday would have made it worth it. Teaching English yesterday was really fun, and it was cool to see Not and Jaew conversing and asking me how to say things and learning how to say new things! Part of the lesson gave them a few situations to role-play to practice starting conversations (for example: You are at a party. The food is delicious.") We laughed a lot, and it was fun to see what all they said.

Yesterday, we went to a women's home as well. I don't know too much about the backgrounds of these girls, but some of them were rescued out of abuse, trafficking, or addiction. We just went to hang out with them, do a craft, and sing some songs. To prepare for the craft, Cory, Kim, and I spent a few hours cutting cardstock that the girls could use to make pictures frames. My thumb is literally still numb two days later from cutting for so long! But in the end, it was totally worth it. It was fun to walk around and see how the girls were doing with the craft, helping where I could, and interacting with them in any way I could. In spending time with them, it broke my heart to see how much they just wanted to be loved. I wish I could have gotten to know them. I wish I could learn their stories, laugh with them, cry with them, and ultimately, just share with them that they are valuable, to me and infinitely more so to God. I had no way to communicate with the women, since I have minimal knowledge of Thai. But I offered what I could- help with the craft, smiling, hugs, holding their hands. I kept thinking about that quote from The Shack about how every time we reach out and touch a life, the world changes, and how with every kindness, God's purposes are more fully accomplished. Those girls may not remember me, and that's ok. I only hope they could see Jesus in me, and that they could see God in the hope and life inside of me.

Anyway, God is definitely doing work in Thailand. I feel like being here and getting to know some missionary families has helped me to understand more of who God is and how he's the same in every country. It's so cool to think that he perfectly understands every person and every culture, and how he's sending people, including people who are natives of the culture, who want to understand the culture and truly get to know and understand the people well, and through that, to share their faith. That's all I have for now, I should probably go to bed since it's 1 AM here. But thank you all for your prayers, and lots of love to you all!